I’m reposting from an article I wrote a few years ago. Interestingly, rules haven’t changed much. Best wishes to all my peops trying to find ❤
With the gushy overpriced flowers and romantic dinners day, aka Valentines Day, inching upon us, I was asked to contribute an article that would compliment and epitomize the essence of the pink and red Saint V. Little did they know (“they” being the ones that thought I had a clue about this day of L’Amour), the wrong person was picked for this job. But since I love a challenge, I figured why not? See, it’s not that I don’t fall into the jejune bathetic pool of love with the one I’m with, I just feel this holiday is overrated and used as a ploy to only celebrate 1 + 1 = 2. That leaves just the one who’s spotlighted either with fellow oners, who embrace it by hamming it up or putting the “Anti-Valentines Day” spin on it. Just the one is who I have the most sympathy for because anyone who is riding solo in no way shape or form needs to be reminded of this fact, especially on this infamous day, no matter how much self-love they possess.
While there is nothing wrong with specifying a day to celebrate expressions of love, whether for your parents, family, baby, spouse, significant other, or, most importantly, yourself, what I want to know is when did it get so blown out of proportion with ridiculousness and temptation? Every supermarket and drugstore is splashed with ornate balloons and chocolate … CHOCOLATE … so much girly wrapped chocolate that I want to rip open all the heart-shaped boxes and feast on till I have to be rolled home like Templeton from Charlotte’s Web (yes, I know I have a serious sweet-tooth issue). Now do you see my point? So in honor of love and what I think V Day should be commemorating are people obtaining the love they seek. For the ones that have it, why not be a dynamic couple and help ones without get to the coupled finish line! The greatest gift that surpasses any dozen roses, box of choc … oh … don’t get me started again … or supersonic love-sex magic paraphernalia is having love. How to you find it, you ask? Yes, that’s the question every single soul out there wants the answer to. I am currently channeling my Bewitched powers, looking for the perfect solution, and once formulated, I will get back to you ASAP! In the interim take this advice and hold it near and dear to increase your chances of meeting “the one.”
- Work (be careful with this one kids)
- Meetups/classes (great potential)
- Parties/networking/hobbies/charity events (this one works like a charm)
- Online dating (hit or miss)
- Friends/Facebook (gotta love FB)
- Commuter love (my personal favorite)
I’ll elaborate on the last one by bringing up my Twenty Question Interview articles from a couple years ago. For the ones that are not familiar with them, let me give you a quick refresher. After taking a slew of interviews, I distinctly remember the common answer from most of my interviewees particularly in question 6, which reads: “Have you ever had a train, plane, bus love or crush episode?” The typical answers were “I have an ongoing crush but I’m too shy to approach them,” or “I saw this girl I had a great connection, didn’t do anything about it and never saw them again.” For further proof of sadness, just check out missed connections on Craigslist. Which poses another question of mine: Why is this? Like the dating world isn’t hard enough, right? Okay, so maybe I’m sounding somewhat cynical but I’m just not a fan of today’s dating scene where you literally can get a date (with a person you haven’t met) in the palm of your hands. Hello digital world! I want to take an old-school attempt at encouraging people to get back at taking a chance in person (especially when commuting) and not with your BlackBerrys or iPhones. You’ll need a pen and paper to jot the number down for this one, you up for the challenge lonesome high-tech mighty ones?
Of course there are some aspects of digital dating I will admit to liking. For example, it does increase your chances of having a special connection with someone, which then also increases your chances of smiling and feeling cosmically tingly all over. You know the feeling, like someone could literally punch you in the face ensuing bloodshed and your reaction would be simply “It’s all good” in a euphorically sweet monotone Mary Jane–enhanced voice. You’re in that utopian place where nothing fazes you. Your days suddenly have a contrasted luminous tone to them. You actually grasp what Simon Le Bon meant when he sang those delectable lyrics “You make me feel alive, alive, alive!” Allow me to make a proposal: Let’s increase the chances of making that infinite connection and defy the normal response of inaction when a potential dating opportunity presents itself while your commuting via plane, train, automobile, biking, walking, or just sucking down a caffeine brew at your favorite spot. Be proactive! Now, I know what you are probably thinking … easier said than done. Well yeah, but I don’t think it’s as hard as one thinks it is. In fact, it can be pretty simple if one makes a concerted effort and approaches the situation positively without placing pressure on oneself.
Precursor and tips:
I know I may get opposition from feminist groups, but in my opinion (and I’m sticking with it) the guys must pursue the girls! I feel the guy needs to be more smitten than his female counterpart in order for the relationship to have sustainability. I am going on my own experience where I have always been pursued and this has been proven. Sorry folks, it’s all I know. Gentlemen, please be advised that it’s up to you to make the move first. Now what I mean specifically is once you have received a smile and assuring signs that the girl is interested (do not fool yourselves boys … you know the difference). Before you get off at your stop or street corner or drive away from the other person looking out their car window, etc., approach her with a smile saying, “It would be nice to meet up sometime”, hand her your card/number or vice versa by asking for hers, and yes, use your hand gadgets if you must. That’s it! It’s not rocket science or heart surgery. Worst-case scenario is you don’t get a call or her digits. Oh my god! The world has ended! Um … no … not even remotely close to extinction. With that in mind, chin up and be the hot adult man you were destined to be! Whatever your sexual orientation is, same rules apply tailored to your specific situation. And girls, if you want to pursue a fine gent that has caught your eye then go for it! Just think about how elated you’ll be if you do get a call and it morphs into a fun date. Learn those lyrics I mentioned previously and start singing!
Caveat: For the shy men out there who want the woman to be proactive and are looking for a relationship but too uncomfortable doing the aforementioned, well, sorry suckers ‘cause you’re on your own. I know it can be a cruel, cruel world we live in at times, but take this time to grow a pair of cojones, pelotas, tortillas, whatever your preferred lingo is and get going! Pronto! Andale! Andale! Arriba! Arriba! Yii-hah! Now a special note for the ladies reading this who would like to be pursued. In my experience, I have seen some cool women and unfortunately not-so-cool women. I hear complaints endlessly breeding the same issues, i.e all the good men are married or gay, or why doesn’t he ask me out or make me his girlfriend? Why is he playing games? The gripe list keeps going and going. Instead of projecting and pointing the finger at the guy, look within your actions and your attitude. Are you approachable? Are you polite about turning down someone’s interest in you? Are you too selective with chattels or tangibles i.e. “What car do you drive?” Do you gasp in dismay when the guy suggests a casual hole-in-the-wall dining spot as opposed to the latest most expensive new restaurant, ergo leaving him on the “He doesn’t have a chance with me” list? High-maintenance lasses, please be kind and ease up on your demanding judgmental high horse and be a decent humanitarian by doing what you can to make it easier for the lads to ask you out. Same goes for any men of this intolerable nature as well.
Well there you have it. Anyone looking for Cupid’s striking arrow to hit their heart will surely benefit from just having the moxie to let the cards fall where they may. You have nothing to lose.
“Love that stammers, that stutters, is apt to be the love that loves best,” —Gabriela Mistral.
I couldn’t agree more and feel good knowing this Valentines Day I’m going to help an owner of a lucky heart obtain just that.